a daily ordeal

T: What are you looking for?

A: …boredom

T: Ha. Yeah? Sounds maddening!

A: not kidding

T: Yeah? :) huh. What do you do with that?

A: I’m curious about what people think about boredom

T: Aha

A: what do you think about it?

A: Have you explored it in high schools? I teach high school history.                                     It’s an interesting thing in that space

A: No, I didn’t. I wasn’t bored during high school. Bullying kept me busy…but I’m curious to know why you associate high school with boredom?

T: Because kids say they’re bored all the time. So for me, it’s a task of figuring out what that means and what to do with that

A: and did you come out with a solution?

T: Is boredom a problem and if so, what kind of problem is it? I mean it’s a daily ordeal

A: that’s the point. Maybe it’s not. Couldn’t it be something else? I never thought what’s boredom means for kids before

T: Not what? A problem?

A: Yes, not a problem, not just a negative status

T: it depends. I don’t think it’s a great thing in my classroom.                                                 The question is, whose problem is it? And it’s not simply a problem. It’s other things too. But I think in a NYC public school, it’s obnoxious to not recognize that it’s a problem too

A: what do you think it could be done about this matter?

T: Listen to them. Talk less

A: I agree. I think you’re right

T: This is what I do ;)

A: We don’t listen to them

T: Nope. People like to talk a lot, and talk a lot of silliness. Not fun silliness though

A: Sometime we impose our knowledge and experience on kids. I know what you have to do, because I’ve been here before…

T: And to each other. Adults are the worst!

A: and in doing so we just block them

T: Yup. What about you?

A: I’m just trying to understand how boredom could be seen from another perspective… for example, observing on what we do when we’re bored.                                                       How do we spend that time? Is it really wasted as we like to think?

T: Anxiety around boredom

A: what if we start to observe that anxiety?

T: There’s Buddhism in there

A: Do you think so? I’m not looking it through a religious filter…not yet

T: I mean, lots of folks don’t really call Buddhism a religion. But yes.                              There’s a good amount of overlap with what you said

A: is it a state of mind?

T: Well, quieting the mind. Sitting with ones’ emotions

A: you told me about the kids, but what about you?

T: Letting a state like boredom just be :) What about me?

A: what do you do when you’re bored?

T: I like interesting things. Like questions. Like this. I have problems with my boredom.      I like to be busy always. I don’t like being home alone. I don’t like when I just watch TV and porn etc.

A: but it happens. Eventually we end up there, saying the magic sentence: I’m bored

T: I used to be better at being alone

A: what happened?

T: I was au pair in rural Poland for a year and spent so much alone time.                               I’d go on hikes alone, teach myself guitar. Technology killed me.                                          Most gay men bore me to death. They’re the worst.                                                                        I need constant stimulation. I like calm and quiet too. I like to go fishing with my dad. That’s fine. But, fact is, gay men are both boring and the worst ;)

A: why are you so mad at gay men?

T: Meh. I’m more of a lesbian. Not mad. Just disappointed.                                                     But I like having sex with them

A: ahahahah…the revenge

T: the revenge! Ha! Perhaps. You like sex?

A: Yes

T: that’s good :) I need sex. Lots

A: well, it doesn’t surprise me…you need to keep yourself busy

T: we should hanging out sometime. Or whatcha thinking?

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Boredom is tension at heart. (a brief conversation between A and B)

A: …you’re still a free spirit.

B: Yes, kind of…but I become awkward in a long term relationship.

A: Well, it’s normal…

B: I don’t want to get involved with someone because of boredom.
I want do it out of certainty, that’s why I’m waiting :)

A: Gotcha. But it’s difficult to predict, tho. At the beginning it might seem certainty, but maybe it’s just boredom in disguise. You’ll find out only after.
But now I’m curious…relationship aside, what do you think about boredom?

B: Ohm. To me it’s the fear of having a goal and the inaction that comes from it.

A: Do you get stuck by the idea of having a target?

B: I fear to have one, and then not being able to keep up with it and fail miserably.
Am I explaining myself?

A: Yes, I can see what you’re saying, but I’m sure you had to deal with targets in the past…you’re still studying; this means you want to achieve something…like passing an important exam, no?

B: Yes, of course it happened. I turn my head every time a target shows up on the horizon. I fear to confess it to myself.

A: Interesting. Boredom stops you, holds you back.

B: Yes, that’s my case. Boredom is tension at heart.

A: I see. And how do you deal with it? I mean, how do you behave in the arms of boredom? How do you use that time?

B: I wait for a shock to happen. I wake up right before the catastrophe, like a forthcoming deadline…

A: An alarm call…

B: Yep, but I don’t like it.

A: Of course you don’t…and every time you keep telling yourself:
next time it will be different, I’ll change…

B: Well, I’m trying to…ohm…re-adjust myself. “Change” sounds like a buzzword to me. Why are you asking me this?

A: Because I’m trying to see the productive side of boredom.

B: You should give me some private lesson then…

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

.dramantic.

– but is it really about letting someone go? I think it’s something that                                     we should say to ourselves instead. “Dear me, please let me go.” 🙏

– exactly!

– but it happens, tho. no? sometimes we do like to think at ourselves                                       as someone’s hostage…

– …and vice versa

– is it easier? I mean, making us believe it wasn’t our own fault.                                        shared responsibilities, if you’re  lucky.

– yeah. I guess it’s a remedy of some sort. self-help shit. but it sounds so good in our mouth. you should try. it’s so…dramantic: if you really love me, pleeease, let me go.               😢🔓👐

– ahahahah…dramantic! good one. did you just make it up?

– maybe. I don’t know which mule is mine anymore. they all look the same…

– ahahahah. we are so basic.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

__________________________ ________

guilty_2

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

_________________________

Locus Pocus_02

Image | Posted on by | Leave a comment

LOCUS POCUS

Locus_Blue_05

Image | Posted on by | Leave a comment

LOCUS BLUE

Locus_Blue_04

Image | Posted on by | Leave a comment